i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
