If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize