Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
