I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
