I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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