he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
