if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
