you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
