Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
