Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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