youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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