i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
