and my herpes radar will keep us safe
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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