im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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