My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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