Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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