Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
