So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
