no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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