Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
