Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize