if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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