So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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