you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
