i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
