all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
