Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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