drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize