Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
