If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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