We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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