I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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