I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
