marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
