it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
