i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
