So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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