Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
