i wish my penis had a tongue
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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