i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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