I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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