Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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