To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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