new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
