Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
