I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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