Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
