somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
