I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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