Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
