Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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