She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
