just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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