Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
