By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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