Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
