dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
be right there i have to get my cape
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
