So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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