Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
