So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
