My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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