i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
