Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
