so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
