pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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